so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
