It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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