4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize