Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
