I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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