The maid of honor just puked.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
