ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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