I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize