Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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