im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize