i permit you to call me
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
