I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
