Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
