I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
