I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
