Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
