I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
