Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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