So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Randomize