I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
