i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Randomize
