Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
