He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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