i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
