If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
that is very illegal...i love you.
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