There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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