i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
