Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize