Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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