a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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