You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
