When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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