You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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