whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
