I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
