this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
