I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Randomize
