he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
