I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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