You can't special order awesome
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
