I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
its liver damage thursday
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
