Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
