Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
