dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
