I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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