Can i not drive my cunt home
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize