That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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