he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
