You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
