i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
