Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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