Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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