Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
