we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
