if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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