You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
