i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
