you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
