i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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