Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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