Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
