she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
