dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
