I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize