i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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