Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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