My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
