The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
