I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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